Cookie flavors

Penn State themed Crumbl cookie flavors

Crumbl Cookies, a fast-growing chain of cookie stores with a rotating menu, recently open its first State College location. Crumbl’s menu of over 200 cookie flavors changes weekly and features everything from classic chocolate chips to more obscure flavors like cornbread or caramel popcorn.

Since the bakery is new to Happy Valley, we wanted to offer a few Penn State-themed flavors that the cookie joint could add to its growing arsenal of cookies.

Grilled stickies

Arguably the best creamery flavor, the iconic Grilled Stickies is the first option we might think of. Imagine biting into a hot cinnamon cookie covered in a slightly crunchy coating of cinnamon sugar, but it’s soft and gooey inside. Those flavors are about to get pretty ~there,~ but honestly, a Grilled Stickies flavored cookie sounds absolutely gassy.

Dirty Sprite Fields

If Bert Kreischer loves Dirty Sprites, why not make a cookie out of them? Now, I could ditch the booze from the cookie recipe because Crumbl is on the family side, but even without the party juice, this would be a great cookie. Also, imagine the color. You can even place a small Champs logo on each of them.

Halal Grilled Chicken Leg

It’s a staple of the campus restaurant lineup, so why couldn’t it be a staple of the Crumbl Cookie lineup? If you thought you’d had enough of halal grilled chicken thigh, think again. This cookie will blow your feathers!

The floor of a cocktagon

This one is for the boys. You know when you walk into a coctagon release a big piss and put some liquid on the ground and try to convince yourself that it’s water…but the forecast is only blue sky? Obviously, you walked in another man’s urine. Alright – now take that feeling and turn it into a cookie! Sure, it’s probably not the tastiest cookie, but it sure would be unique.

Irving Chai Shake

It’s more of a personal opinion, but Irving’s Chai Milkshake is one of the best things State College has to offer. We haven’t personally seen a Chai Milkshake flavored cookie, but we think it would be delicious.

Freshly cut old main grass

Mhmmmm… It’s a Tuesday morning and the weather is nice and sunny. The campus smells of cow manure and the OPP is mowing the grass. You walk through Old Main and sniff that fresh cut green stuff. You think to yourself, “this would make a great cookie flavor.” We’re not saying the cookie has to taste like grass, but maybe it gives you the same feeling as fresh cut Old Main grass. Feelings of comfort, hope and accomplishment come with a well-mowed lawn.

Egg and Cheese Bacon Crust Bagel

This one is for everyone in New York and New Jersey. We’re not sure exactly how this one will turn out, but we think it would be a base of bagel cookies and cheesy egg frosting with little bits of bacon on top. We are only offering ideas here. It’s up to the Crumbl master bakers to figure out how to make them work.

Finals week

Stay with us here. It’s the Tuesday of finals week. You have two massive exams tomorrow. You want to treat yourself for the hard work you’ve done, but you want to keep grinding. So, you decide to do both by munching on a final week flavored Crumbl cookie. What makes finals week tasty? Well, it’s a coffee cookie with an Adderall-infused frosting. Yum! Now you can enjoy a delicious warm cookie while staying focused on your task.

Special thanks to Crumbl for providing us with stock images of their cookies which we used to photoshop our Penn State flavors.

Rico is a recent advertising graduate from Pittsburgh who has worked for Onward State since freshman year. He loves drinking Diet Coke and eating Mexican food. You can follow Rico on Instagram @RealBigRico and TikTok @RealBigRico.